Tuesday 4 September 2012

LIST: Things That Have Changed Since That Giant Blinking Eyeball Took Control Of The Planet

1) The institution of "Global Shower Hour"

2) The outlawing of Hawaiian pizza

3) Greater awareness and understanding of hairless cat rights

4) 1000% increase in death pits

5) The sun can talk now, apparently

6) #1 show on television is now "Slow Erosion of a Human Skull In the Desert", hosted by Tom Bergeron

7) We're really afraid of orange juice now for reasons that I have forgotten

8) Everyone who used to work as a management consultant is now a uranium miner

9) The world's oceans are all hounded by paparazzi

10) Average life expectancy is now "we'll finish you off as soon as possible"

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