Thank You All For Attending This Emergency Meeting

I'd like to thank you all for attending this emergency meeting. I don't like being here any more than you do, but we need to address this matter as soon as possible or it will only snowball completely out of our control. The issue in question is one that has plagued all of us for quite some time, and I think we should finally put it to rest and move on with our lives. This is why I've called you here to the boardroom at 3 AM: so that we may finally find closure on this bothersome business forever. The issue at hand is, of course: what should I do to fully blast my deltoids?

I truly have tried everything! I do plenty of bench and other overhead presses every day, so you better believe my front delts ripple more ferociously than the Caspian Sea! Ha ha, yeah, I spent a lot of time working on that simile, so thanks for the nice words, Roger. Well, yeah, I know you didn't actually say anything; I just read the kindness in your eyes. Anyway, I think those are in decent shape, but it's the rear deltoids that might be the sticky wicket here. I need to keep those rear delts nice and supple to prevent any rotator cuff injuries on the mound this softball season. I gotta stay at full power if we're gonna rebuild this year! Hey, remember when I beaned Jim Ferguson from Prior Financial last year? I'm not proud of it, but he had it coming. He shouldn't have been standing on the bleachers like that.

Anyway, I've been trying the "bent-over lateral raise", where you bend over with dumbbells and then raise your arms upwards, but it doesn't seem to be doing much... wait, Leslie, where are you going? You thought this meeting had something to do with the company? I'm not sure what you're implying. This meeting has EVERYTHING to do with the company. I'm the CEO, and as a result I carry this company on my shoulders. Well, not literally, of course, but metaphorically. Actually, not metaphorically either, because CEO was just an honorary title my uncle gave me so he could put me on the payroll so I could move out of my parents' basement woodshed. I don't really do anything! Isn't that remarkable? I mean, even pond scum breeds. 

So, the rear delts... oops, everyone's gone. Hmm. Here I am, alone again as usual. Sigh. What a life I've lived. What a ride! First I was born, then I went to school, then I sat around, and then last night I ate turkey pot pie. Boy, the things I've seen... people talking about on the street! The places I've been... looking at in that atlas I found in that cave full of raccoons! And yet, still so much life yet to live. Boy, when I think ahead... ow, damn it, my delts just collapsed! Stupid muscle disease! Time for me to pay another visit to Dr. Felton Baxter. I wonder if he still has that electric fence around his estate?