1) "You are looking defiantly unsexed! Allow me to sex you greatly with the aid of my comprehensive new sex kit from Tyco Industries!"
2) "The gap between the rich and the poor increases by the very minute! Reveal breasts immediatement!"
3) "I'm lonely and you look like my mom! And she's REALLY lonely! Such is modern life!"
4) "Ron Palillo, who played Horshack on Welcome Back, Kotter, has died today at the age of 63! Let's hold each other and rage at the hooded figure of mortality!"
5) "Are your pants made of mirrors? Because I can see myself in them! Seriously, isn't it uncomfortable wearing pants made of mirrors? Especially in the summer? Oh, my Hannah Montana wig fell off!"
6) "I want to play croquet with my own testicles! Marinate in that information and then serve!"
7) "I enjoy your arts and crafts! They have a certain primitive power that I can only assume stems from your status as a complete imbecile! Let's go play in the sandbox!"
8) "I took the wrong medication this morning and as a result I am capable of feeling sexually stimulated! Well, good luck mowing that lawn!"
9) "I know what you're thinking, and YES, I am the police officer from the news who framed an innocent man for a drug murder I committed! And you have the right to remain SEXY!"
10) "I love my father's e-mail forwards! They are delightfully raunchy yet good-natured!"