Friday 17 August 2012

LIST: Ten Best Things to Say To A Junior High Bully

1) "My mom says the only reason you pick on me is because you don't like me and I'm weak! Take that!"

2) "If this was Kansas in the 1950's, you'd be my husband!"

3) "You might be cool now, but your life's only going to be downhill from here, unless you're very confident and you are and never mind!"

4) "Who's your favorite American confessional poet? Mine's Anne Sexton!"

5) "Hey, my doctor said it's perfectly fine for my heat-seeking area to look like a dehydrated George Wendt!"

6) "Save me, Strawberry Shortcake, save me!"

7) "I'm gonna get ya with my nunchucks- oh, shoot, these aren't nunchucks, they're copies of Chatelaine from 1991."

8) "A styrofoam peanut becomes more like a real peanut if you smear it in peanut butter. No, please, not my cumberbund!"

9) "My cat's scathing critiques of contemporary Broadway drama have kept me in stitches on many a Saturday night!"

10) "Wanna buy some of my thin mints? It's to raise money for my trip to see Up With People. And if you buy two, you get a free hug!"

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