LISTICLE: My Ten Favorite Teachers and What They Taught Me

1) Mr. Debosie, Grade 2 Social Studies ("The meat of your thighs makes for top-notch sausage")

2) Mrs. Crevecoeur, Grade 4 English ("When the fat of the land cannot sustain thee, consumption of the depraved is a consecrated act")

3) Ms. Finikey, Grade 5 Art ("The true artist never stops short of aesthetically murdering his subject")

4) Mr. Jenkins, Grade 6 French ("The void howls at you. Cast off your bourgeois morality and be swallowed by the abyss!")

5) Mr. Borwang, Grade 7 Gym ("Feel the necks of the weak beneath your boot heel. Grind it in harder. Feel their life essence seep out, giving in to your iron will")

6) Mrs. Alanson, Grade 8 Science ("The universe is cruel and unrelentingly brutal. Destroy it before it destroys you")

7) Mr. Eilie, Grade 9 Math ("Oh the pain, oh the pain, oh the pain, oh the pain, oh the pain MAKE IT STOP")

8) Mr. Persnicket, Grade 10 Homeroom ("Life is like Vietnam: in order to make it out alive, one must carry a Bowie knife and be ready to use it")

9) Mrs. Nailon, Grade 11 Home Ec. ("If your cupcakes taste too much like almonds, then the arsenic will never work")

10) Mr. Jonat, Grade 12 Business ("Money is like friendship: if you want to get it, your britches gotta get a little bloodsoaked")