1) "Baby Girl, I Want My Moustache Back, Or Else I'll Look Like An Idiot In My Class-1 Trucker's License Photo"
2) "Hey, Sorry to Bother You, But Did You Get a Chance To Think About Making It With Me At Some Point? No? Cool, No Hurry. Actually, While I'm Here, I Might As Well Get Two Glazed, One Boston Cream, and One Bear Claw"
3) "Probably Gonna Hit That Highway and Head On Up the Coast. Oh, Who Am I Kidding? I'm An Agoraphobe And I Totalled My Mom's Maroon Olds Last Week. Ooh, Rockford Files Is On Tonight!"
4) "A Horse With No Name, A Goldfish With Three Names, A Cat That Has a Hyphenated Last Name Because She Took Her Husband's Name But Kept Her Own, A Cow With a Nickname, And A Rabbit With Only One Name. I Think That's Just About Everyone Who's RSVP'ed To The Wedding So Far"
5) "Plaintive, Limp Folk-Mewling To Play In The Background After Your Key Party As You Desperately And Tearfully Climb On Top Of Your Neighbor's Wife"
6) "The Smooth, Languid Sound of Someone Shrugging As The Ideals of the 60's Die A Pitiful Gasping Death In A Suburban Supermarket"
7) "I Wanna Be With You Girl, And I Want You To Think I'm Sensitive Because Of This Chin Beard, But I Still Pretty Much Want To Control You And I'll Get Super Upset If You Point That Out, Is That Cool?"
8) "A List of California State Highways I've Never Seen, And Some of Which Don't Actually Exist"
9) "Just Slow It Down, Relax, and Go To Sleep, Because We're All Screwed Anyway So What Difference Can You Make?"
10) "The Last Thing You'll Hear Before Drowning In Your Waterbed After Falling Asleep With a Lit Cigarette"